Written by neilencio

Vowing for change in the coming year is not something I do. In a few hours, we’ll say goodbye to 2010 and say hello to 2011. As usual, the only thing you would constantly hear (or read) from people would be their New Year’s resolution.

Normally, I would ignore this idea. It is not because I don’t believe that there are changes that must be done; rather, it is because I believe that change should come naturally – and when it does, there’s nothing we can do about it. Let’s put it this way, I get uberly irritated when I plan something and it does not fall in to place. This is why I chose – for the longest time – to simply go with the flow.

This year-ender is different (for once). I dared to look back on the year that was, and realized a few things I often ignore. I fell ill several times and it prevented me to function as I should. If there was one thing that I realized more than the value of health, it was the value of living life.

Like the listomaniac that I am, I jotted down a few “highlights” of what made it a great year.

1. One rainy day, my kids asked me to make paper boats. I obliged (though was slightly dismayed because I was having a bad day). One of the boats got caught under the veranda and would not push forward with the stream. So, I ran out in the rain to retrieve it. The 2 minutes of soaking under the rain – for some reason felt good. I forgot why I was feeling low and started to play with the kids – in the rain – as if I were a child once more.
2. My good friend, Adrian, thought that I was taking this “domestication” thing too seriously, that I was boxing myself out from the world. Because he’s leaving soon, I accepted every invitation he extended. He became my “fairy godmother” and took me to a gay bar (really don’t know if there’s a PC word for it) a few weeks back because he knew I’d laugh my heart out during the event – which I did. Before Christmas, he practically dragged me out of the house just to experience Divisoria. Both places were a first for me. Call it weird, but it was my dream.
3. My husband and I are not the conventional “cheesy” couple. One day, to my surprise, he sat next to me and asked me if I wanted to go out with my friends… alone. I enjoy his company and he would not let me out of his sight – not for the last ten years. He saw how quizzical my face was, and he just said he did not want me to feel like Persephone. Basically, he just wanted me to have fun. It took me a while to realize why he wanted me to.

To my surprise (yes, lots of surprises this year), they were all on to something. None of them wanted to confront me with the hard fact that I was not giving myself time. Perhaps, they all wanted to stay away from the sky-high eyebrow raising. It was then that I realized that I was too focused on keeping the house and the family in shipshape that I often neglected myself. Even when I fall ill, I keep on going – only to make recovery longer and relapses more frequent. I’m stubborn, okay?! There, I said it.

This coming year, as selfish as it may sound, it will be all about me. I promise to give myself more time – especially for resting. Recreation is something I can do for a few minutes each day. I can read a book while having coffee, or watch a movie at home. Apparently, when I’m feeling great, everything falls in to place. It is not enough that I give all my attention to those I love. After nearly three decades, it is only now that I realized that I should learn to love myself more. Because when I do, everyone is happier. Nothing will change in terms of priorities (and my OC schedule) it will only be one entry longer – with me added.

If I have one rant to my loved ones this year, it would be “why the (insert curse word here) did you wait ‘till December before you woke me up?! Even the song only said when September ends.”

Hokay, this blogpost has gotten longer than expected. A Happy New Year to you and all that/who you love. May you see and live life to the best that you can. Have a blessed one. Cheers!